i don't know how exciting i'm trying to be here, but let's give it a go:

up all night, not a wink of sleep
so far past one thousand sheep
realize uselessness, go upstairs
no more stars, how's this fair?
i wish i may i wish i might
have a little sleep tonight
no more mommy and no more dad?
a reoccuring dream i've had.
except one day this falls short
to my empty blog report;
now i live 'on my own'
questions arise, am i grown?
no i'm not ready to leave quite yet
she couldn't wait for this i bet
mommy dear i've tried so hard
be your daughter, but not unscarred
how did you forget things you do
i'm a living reminder of you.


so i left home for a little. i don't know who i'm writing to, because nobody reads this. my mom isn't talking to me after i come home, and my dad told me it's time that i start acting like i live on my own. he tells me not to contact my mom, but him instead now. she doesn't want anything to do with her daughter? i guess, do i remind you of the abuse, the torture, the anger, hate? i should, i can't believe i tolerated that. but what else is a child to do, your mommy is supposed to love you. she does, i tell myself. yes, i believe it. maybe she just shows it in the wrong way. but i'm not ready to grow up yet, i don't want to be in charge of myself, an adult, capable of making decisions.. i'm not ready, that's why they have limits on this kind of thing right? i don't want to leave. i don't want to be pushed away. so i'm up all night and i can't stop thinking about it... i can't get any sleep at all, and now the sun is risen.