sometimes i wonder who turns out for the better, the people who don't stick around, or the people who don't let go. is there a better? i always catch myself questioning myself when i stumble upon somebody with a trait i don't have, but admire. hiding your feelings, not letting go of the past, straying away from change, or even things like considering a certain place home. someone told me i was good at hiding my feelings but i feel like i'm better at hiding things that cause my emotions to become what they are. we read about disassociation in journalism today and about how people block out things they don't want to remember. i can't decide if i do that or not, i tend to talk about the things that shape me in a lighter tone than i feel them. does everyone do that? i have so many questions about everyone, but it's hard to ask when you're afraid to offend someone or push someone away. i hear i do that by being direct. are my questions direct? are they too personal? i feel like life is too short to hide things.

and then i think too hard about all of this and how come i push people i want to be closer to away so often and it gives me a headache, or rather makes the constant pulsing in my head worse. someone should ask me 'my type' of questions, i'd answer.