don't let me go

lying to myself has never got me anywhere worth going, so i'm confused as to why i still do.


i miss you. i love you and i don't ever want anyone else.

joy

1. algebra 3-4: ball

2. art 1-2: waldron

3. health: zerba

4. spanish 5-6: douglass

5. ta for dierker

6. chem: mayer

7. english: gonzales

don't care about the spots on my apples

spinning on the merry go round, my 'Eureka Moment' of the week was purely something so simple, but what so many people are completely and utterly afraid of.

something so little, something over-looked and shrugged off can bring you together with a group of, what else to call them, friends. people whom i've called acquaintances for a year or longer, shared a class with, or woke up at an ungodly hour to share a passion with. i thank someone else's Words for this, and i always do, use another persons' words to describe what is it i feel.

school is coming closer than i thought it really was, and this is the first year i'm not stoked. nope, not excited to take new classes, just a little curious about what awaits me, and even though every year i claim to dedicate myself to something or another this year i'll make it different, oh cliche, you.

i'm going to connect.

questions to self

i can't help but be afraid of what's to come in the next month, because i've changed so much in the last two years, and you've been right by my side. i know that i'll be able to make the change without you, if i have to, but after telling you i don't want contact, i feel like i might be making myself believe that things are changing. finally. but maybe they'll go back to normal. normal being:

.arguing consistently

.beating each other up

.beating myself up over you

.being mad at myself because i can't do anything right

.being mad at you because you can't do anything right

.being belittled

.feeling hurt

maybe not, maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder. it's just funny how we roll, day to day, we can fight all day long but once it's over we're so fucking in love, talking about the future, talking about 'our house', talking about the puppy and the kids and god knows what and it's so scary for me to think about, but at the same time i find comfort in the fact that you can't do laundry and that i can't cook to save my life so maybe we do need each other a little, even after a long day... we'll see.